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Joans Reasoning

 Essay From Joan from 2012

This essay I hope gets me in Mistress Vonn’s good books enough to let me watch the football on Sunday. I know that the final decision is out of my hands as Mistress controls me and is in full charge but I hope this makes a difference.

After a series of texts where I probably was a little bit too cheeky I was sent to bed early and not allowed to watch the last twenty-three minutes of the Spain versus Germany World Cup semi-final.

I thought this was most unfair but would not dream of disobeying Mistress and quite humiliatingly went to my bed early and I was totally humiliated I am not kidding.

There then followed a series of texts from Mistress telling me how exciting the rest of the game was.

This made me realize how much I was missing the game and how much I wanted to see it.

Now if this was not bad enough Mistress then sent a text saying that she thought that she would have suddenly found some tasks for me to do at around 6.30 pm on Sunday.

This of course I realize to my absolute horror happens to be exactly the time of the kick-off of the World Cup final.

I claimed that my phone may mysteriously and purely by accident have a fault at that time and will be unable to accept any text messages.

This was greeted by Mistress by the reply that if that unfortunate accident would happen then a judicial caning would be in order at the next session.

This threat* caused me to break the World speed text record in my reply that I was sure my phone would be working that day.

 

* One of the things I have learned under Mistress’s control is that she does not make threats she makes promises which she always keeps.

 

In vain I pleaded to be allowed to watch the game and I tried flattery* but Mistress is not going to fall for that and hinted that she may or may not go through with her threat. Knowing Mistress as I do now she does not make threats she carries out threats.

One of the things I have to do to try and change her mind** is to write this essay of two thousand words. The subject of the essay is if I am allowed to watch the World Cup final on Sunday why I should be made to wear panties while doing so.

 

* I meant every single word and I hope that Mistress realizes this.

**Which I have as much chance of doing as I have of getting a date with Monica Bellucci and starting a new life with her in Milan and becoming an International poet of some renown.

 

I honestly don’t know how to start with this but I will do my best.

I think perhaps to think of the reasons why I don’t want to do it and use them for reasons why I should do it as most of them involve my complete and utter shame and humiliation.

 

The reasons I dislike wearing women’s panties and therefore why if I am lucky enough to be permitted by Mistress to watch the football I should be made to wear them.

 

There are so very many reasons. I have told Mistress time and time again how much I hate wearing panties and this just seems to make her make me wear them more and more.

Again this is honestly no reverse psychology on my part. There is no secret longing for me to wear them and I get no pleasure at all when I am in them.

I have never willingly worn a pair of panties out with a session nor do I want to.

This is the honest truth.

 

I find it really hard to explain how much shame I feel when I am forced to put them on.

During the sessions, I dread waiting to put them on. Mistress always makes me strip naked and this embarrasses me and even though I want to get some sort of clothing on the shame I feel when Mistress holds the elastic of the panties out wide to allow me to fit and I am made to step into the panties is really overwhelming.* Come to think of it during the last session I was ordered to tell Mistress exactly what I was wearing. The hardest part was describing the panties.  The skirt and wide belt high heels and stockings I managed ok but not the underwear.

 

*While writing that last sentence I had a flashback to that part of the session and the memories it evoked made me so ashamed I actually stopped and put my head in my hands. Mistress really has my number on this she really does.

 

I have never had any sort of punishment in male clothing but I maintain that the humiliation of having panties pulled down and then spanked makes the spanking feel much more painful than it would if it were boxer shorts. Now I have mentioned this I wonder if Mistress wants to test out this theory! I would not put it past her it is the sort of thing that appeals to her and would also give her an excuse (not that she needs any) to give me extra punishment.

 

 

Wearing the panties heading to the session is just so shameful for me and an experience I dread from the moment I wake up. To have to sneak a pair out of my girlfriend’s underwear drawer is bad enough but I actually find myself debating what panties look girly enough just puts the tin lid on it.

I know for a fact if I turned up in big pants Mistress would be most displeased which means the black cane. So for that reason, I have to rummage about and find the most feminine pair I can. This usually means pink, red, or yellow with some sort of lace border and little bows. I have to then put these on under my jeans and if that was not bad enough wear my girlfriend’s wide leather belt which pulls in my jeans tighter and makes me realize that I am wearing the panties even more. Walking about in them is truly awful as they are not designed for the male anatomy and I am scared to reach in and adjust them in case anyone sees them* They are just far too tight everywhere and I really feel such a total sissy in them.

 

* Of course the infamous Botanic Gardens toilet incident when my pink lacy French Knickers were on show for all to see was the peak of my shame and humiliation. At least I escaped without getting beaten up or even worse being offered a dinner date!

 

 

Going to the session I know that I have a very long journey ahead of me and it is not ever a pleasant experience.

I sit uncomfortably on the train* and all I am aware of is the fact that my panties are riding up my backside. I look at other people on the train and I immediately suspect that somehow they know** I worry that there will be an accident*** and I am in a sheer panic that doesn’t end till I reach Glasgow when I am still nervous but at least out in the open.

 

 

* Usually doing punishment lines

** Of course there was the time a couple of 20 something girls who were really attractive were sitting across from me. Mistress insisted I wore my girlfriend’s belt, watch, and panties, and worst of all that all had to be on show for the entire journey. The belt and watch were bad enough but the fact that little peach panties with bows could be seen over the top of the belt on my jeans was the worst thing ever. One of the girls said to her friend in a whisper that I could clearly see.

‘Look at him he is wearing a woman’s watch and big wide belt and he also is wearing panties you can see them peaking out. Look, look’

I nearly died on the spot and had nowhere to hide and had to sit there and take it.

As they left at the next station one giggled and said ‘Nice underwear’ to me

Mistress of course found this hilarious when I told her.

*** I will be semi-conscious and on a hospital trolley and my main concern with not be my limbs hanging off but how I am going to drag what is left of my broken body somewhere quiet and get the panties off before anyone sees them.

 

Often I am made to wear panties at work. This I dislike as much as any other time and again I have this real worry that someone is somehow going to find out. Sometimes I can block out the fact I am wearing them and pretend that they are not on me.

Doing this has its drawbacks because for no apparent reason it will occur to me I have them on and this usually occurs when I am in a meeting or dealing with a member of the public*. This is a surreal and disturbing occurrence that I dislike very much. Still, my job is very boring so at least it keeps me on my toes I guess.

 

*I imagine I will forget where I am and in a discussion with workmates about a new filing system for claims forms I will suddenly blurt out ‘‘These French Kickers are so uncomfortable’’

 

 

Then of course there was the infamous time that Mistress thought it would be a really good idea if I wore panties while playing in a football game. This was as much of a nightmare as it sounds. I had to have a lot of careful planning for this one*

Firstly I had to wear them traveling to the game so arriving early and getting changed into them was my only way of getting them on without anyone noticing.

My other course of action was to wear my cycling shorts under my football shorts which gave me two layers of cover for the panties.

I was still scared that I would get injured during the game and the physio would see them but I tried to put that out of my mind and I think it worked**

The shower after thee game was interesting as I had to do a Houdini and pull off panties, cycling shorts and football shorts in one go then secrete the panties in my jacket pocket so nobody would see them.

 

* Most footballers think about tactics before a game I spend my pre-game thinking up a cunning plan how to get into, play for 90 minutes, and get out of panties without anyone noticing!

**scored a free-kick and played well. Must be the first goal scored in panties at the ground maybe I should phone up the Guinness Book of Records.

 

 

Once again for the record and in total truth and honesty, I have to state the following.

Wearing panties totally humiliates me. I get no pleasure whatsoever from doing so. I find it embarrassing and I can’t wait to take them off. There is no way under any circumstances I would wear them voluntarily. They make me feel like a sissy. To be ordered to wear them by Mistress is a real punishment and I always hope she will not do it.

These are the very reasons that I ask Mistress to be kind enough to let me watch the World Cup final between Holland and Spain on Sunday evening and for her to order me to wear a pair of my girlfriend’s panties while doing so. I will hate every moment and not be able to concentrate properly on the match which I know will give Mistress pleasure.